Brady and the Beast (Mode) : A quirky Super Bowl XLIX preview

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Grab some Skittles, inflate some footballs to proper PSI levels, shun reporters and put on a My Cousin Vinny DVD because here is your Captain Clarky Super Bowl XLIX preview. Make sure you read this so you won’t get fined.

I don’t know how most people feel, but I’ve had enough discussion of balls, colds, media appearance obligations, suspicious bathroom visits and other sundry silly topics leading up to Super Bowl XLIX. This appears to be one of the most evenly matched Super Bowls in history as the allegedly devious and dastardly New England Patriots take on the bombastic and demonstrative reigning champion Seattle Seahawks, who are seeking to become the eighth NFL franchise to capture consecutive championships.

The internet is abound with Super Bowl previews that in many cases say the same things. This preview is unique in several different ways. This is not a Super Bowl preview that will opine on defensive schemes or offensive strategies, schemes or game plans. This is a Super Bowl that highlights picayune facts, suggests preposterous prop bets and Super Bowl party conversation starting questions and showcases occasional bizarre opinions and asides.

It would be a disappointment if Super Bowl XLIX isn’t one of the best contests in the game’s history. But no matter how the game plays out, the Super Bowl is a celebration of sports, entertainment, pop culture, capitalism, food, drink, heroes and villains. This preview will amuse both the passionate and causal football fans and commemorate all the things that make Super Bowl Sunday the special event that it is.

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Super Bowl party conversation starting question:

Which is a worse case of cheating: Deflategate or Arthur Read’s deceptive tactics in games of No Guessing and cards?

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Prop bet: The University of Phoenix Stadium public address announcer will introduce Idina Menzel as Idina Manziel (a.k.a. Johnny Frozen.)

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Prop bet:

Menzel will sing the national anthem to the tune of “Let It Go.”

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Teams that wear white jerseys in the Super Bowl are 30-18.

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The AFC champion is 7-5 in Super Bowls played in February, including the Patriots’ three Super Bowl victories.

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The AFC champion is 13-11 in odd numbered Super Bowls.

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The NFC champion is 9-2 in Super Bowls whose number consists of four roman numerals.

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The AFC champion is 5-1 in Super Bowls played in years a Star Wars film premiers in theaters.

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Super Bowl party conversation starting question:

What’s more inflated: a Patriots’ football or Doug Marrone’s ego?

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The Seahawks are seeking to become the 13th franchise to win multiple Super Bowls.

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This is the 12th Super Bowl matchup in which both teams have won at least one Super Bowl in their history.

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The Bill Belichick/Pete Carroll coaching matchup makes this a rare Bert/Ernie Super Bowl, a Super Bowl contest consisting of coaches with sharply contrasting personalities.

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Many people have compared Belichick to Lord Voldemort. I think he more resembles Mary GrandPré’s illustration of Mad-Eye Moody.

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Why the Seattle Seahawks will win Super Bowl XLVIII

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Perhaps you’ve heard the Seattle Seahawks of the NFC and the Denver Broncos of the AFC will play in Super Bowl XLVIII, the National Football League’s championship game, on Sunday.

Countless analysts appeared on television this week giving their “expert” opinion as to what team they think will win. The truth is you don’t need to know anything about football to know who will win the Super Bowl.

Seattle will win. Here are 10 reasons why.

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The NFC champion is 6-5 in the Super Bowl in years the FIFA World Cup takes place.

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The NFC champion is 3-1 in the Super Bowl since Chris Christie became New Jersey’s governor.

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Teams that wear white jerseys in the Super Bowl are 29-18.

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The NFC champion is 21-13 in the Super Bowl since McDonald’s introduced the Happy Meal.

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The NFC champion is 4-2 in the Super Bowl since Mad Men premiered.

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The NFC champion is 3-2 in the Super Bowl in years a new New York City mayor takes office.

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The NFC champion is 9-5 in the Super Bowl in years a Big Ten school wins the Rose Bowl.

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The Broncos are 0-3 when they wear orange jerseys in the Super Bowl.

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The NFC champion is 13-7 in Super Bowls in years a venue hosts the game for the first time.

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The NFC champion is 14-9 in even-numbered Super Bowls.

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Based on these facts, the Seahawks will win on Sunday. How will they win the game? What players will make the most impact? Will Richard Sherman take a bite out of a microphone if Erin Andrews interviews after the game? That’s for the football “experts” to figure out.

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Why the Denver Broncos will win Super Bowl XLVIII

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Perhaps you’ve heard the Seattle Seahawks of the NFC and the Denver Broncos of the AFC will play in Super Bowl XLVIII, the National Football League’s championship game, on Sunday.

Countless analysts appeared on television this week giving their “expert” opinion as to what team they think will win. The truth is you don’t need to know anything about football to know who will win the Super Bowl.

Denver will win. Here are 10 reasons why.

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The AFC champion is 2-1 in the Super Bowl in years Leonardo DiCaprio has received an Oscar nomination.

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The AFC champion is 8-6 in the Super Bowl since SpongeBob SquarePants premiered.

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The Broncos are 15-5 against the Seahawks in years the Winter Olympics take place.

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The AFC champion is 10-9 in the Super Bowl since Fox began broadcasting NFL games.

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The AFC championship is 2-1 in the Super Bowl in years the Rose Bowl has hosted the BCS National Championship Game.

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The AFC champion is 10-8 in the Super Bowl since Bill Watterson published his final Calvin and Hobbes cartoon.

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The AFC champion is 6-4 in the Super Bowl since Michael Jordan’s third retirement from the NBA.

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The AFC champion is 5-4 in the Super Bowl since Mark Zuckerberg launched Facebook.

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Seattle has won 57 games in years an X-Men film premieres in theaters. Denver has won 62.

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Seattle has won 174 games since Israel and the Vatican established formal diplomatic relations. Denver has won 202.

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Based on these facts, the Broncos will win on Sunday. How will they win the game? What players will make the most impact? How many times will Peyton Manning shout “OMAHA” at the line of scrimmage during the game? That’s for the football “experts” to figure out.

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The Michaels and Collinsworth Cliché Carousel: Broncos at Patriots

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This blog series follows clichés said by Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth in NBC Sunday Night Football games this season, using the following scoring system:

Clichés: one point

(*Clichés that appear in the Snickers Broadcast Bingo advertisement=two points*) are as follows:

he gives 110 percent, they’re playing smashmouth football, he ran out of real estate, they’re playing against the clock, tack on an extra point, time to go out and execute, marching down the field, they’re in the red zone, time to go big or go home, bet they’d like to have that one back, these guys have got to stick to the game plan, he’s their go-to guy, they can practically taste victory, it’s gonna take a miracle, he’s got a quick first step, gonna have to settle for three, it is what it is, they left it all on the field, he’s got all day to throw it, now they’re just running out the clock, they’ve got to control the line of scrimmage, that’s key to the game, this guy just loves football, it’s gut-check time

Bingos: five points

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Game XIII: Denver Broncos (31) at New England Patriots (34)-Nov. 24

  1. One of those games you want to savor-Michaels
  2. A lot of mixing and matching-Michaels
  3. Another big break-Michaels
  4. Short of the first down-Michaels
  5. A big hole-Michaels
  6. A big part of this passing game-Collinsworth
  7. What a difference he’s made-Collinsworth
  8. Ridley coughed it up-Michaels
  9. Coughs it up again-Michaels
  10. Explosive play-Collinsworth
  11. Killed off one of those possessions-Collinsworth
  12. Having a banner season-Michaels
  13. The ball is loose-Michaels
  14. A different story-Michaels
  15. Came out flying-Collinsworth
  16. He’s the closer-Collinsworth
  17. A huge break-Collinsworth
  18. Fights his way-Michaels
  19. Completely banged up-Michaels
  20. Huge hole-Michaels Continue reading

NBTA (National Basketball Twitter Association): Nov. 15-21, 2013

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During the 2013-14 NBA season, this blog will NBTA (the National Basketball Twitter Association) games. These “Twitter” games will simulate the daily match-ups of the NBA season. But instead of tracking what teams scores more points in 48 minutes, these games will track what teams adds more Twitter followers over the 24 hours of its game day. The league standings will track wins, losses, conference record and average added followers per game.

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Nov. 15, 2013

Milwaukee Bucks at Indiana Pacers

12 a.m. 11/15

12 a.m. 11/16

Added followers

 0295onf2c4xsbfsxye6i  178,791 followers (@Bucks) 178,909 followers  118 followers
 3083  269,326 followers (@Pacers) 270,099 followers  773 followers (winner)

Chicago Bulls at Toronto Raptors

12 a.m. 11/15

12 a.m. 11/16

Added followers

 hj3gmh82w9hffmeh3fjm5h874  1,176,871 followers (@chicagobulls) 1,178,815 followers  1,944 followers (winner)
 yfypcwqog6qx8658sn5w65huh  289,786 followers (@Raptors) 290,015 followers  229 followers

Philadelphia 76ers at Atlanta Hawks

12 a.m. 11/15

12 a.m. 11/16

Added followers

 qlpk0etqwelv8artgc7tvqefu  246,572 followers (@Sixers) 246,877 followers  305 followers (winner)
 5mdhgjh3aa92kih09pgi  169,931 followers (@ATLHawks) 170,156 followers  225 followers

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Bryan Paul’s Puzzling NFL Predictions: Week 13 (food and beverage)

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Thanksgiving celebrates three “f” words: family, food and football. National Football League games, traditionally featuring the Detroit Lions and the Dallas Cowboys, have been played on Thanksgiving since 1920. Broadcast announcers salute winning team members with honors such as the CBS All-Iron Award and the Fox Galloping Gobbler Award. During his broadcasting career, John Madden awarded players with a turducken, a poultry cornucopia consisting of turkey, duck and chicken.

Food perfectly complements football. Thanksgiving and Super Bowl Sunday are the top two days of food consumption in America, according to the National Chicken Council. Fox Sports said viewers ate 1.25 billion chicken wings during Super Bowl XLVI. NFL pregame tailgating fare ranges from Kansas City barbeque to Green Bay bratwursts.

Drinks also have a role in football. In 2010, TreeHugger.com said Americans drank 325.5 million gallons of beer on Super Bowl Sunday. Bud Light became the official beer sponsor of the NFL in 2011 in an agreement valued at over $1 billion. Pepsi purchased Super Bowl XLVI advertisement time, likely paying around the average of $3.5 billion, according to ESPN, for a 30-second commercial.

Foods and drinks certainly fill football fans’ bellies and the league’s wallet. In honor of Thanksgiving and the many edible and drinkable football connections, the Week 13 predictions theme is foods and beverages.

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Green Bay Packers (5-5-1) at Detroit Lions (6-5)-Nov. 28-12:30 p.m.-Fox

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The Packers and Lions first played each other on Thanksgiving in 1951, the year Robert O. Peterson founded Jack in the Box. The Lions are 22-31-2 on Thanksgiving since 1951.

Pick: Green Bay

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Oakland Raiders (4-7) at Dallas Cowboys (6-5)-Nov. 28-4:30 p.m.-CBS

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After being called Monterey Jack’s in 1985, Jack in the Box returned to its original name in 1986, the year the first Five Guys restaurant opened. Dallas is 7-5 on Thanksgiving since 2001, the year Zagat began rating Five Guys on its annual food survey.

Pick: Dallas

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Pittsburgh Steelers (5-6) at Baltimore Ravens (5-6)-Nov. 28-8:30 p.m.-NBC

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The Zagat Survey began in 1979, the year McDonald’s introduced the Happy Meal. The Steelers are 0-3 on Thanksgiving since 1979.

Pick: Baltimore

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Bryan Paul’s 2013 Puzzling NFL Predictions: Week 12 (the Kennedys)

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*This post is following this blog’s tradition of predicting NFL games in a unique and thought-proving way and is by no means trivializing the events that took place on Nov. 22, 1963.*

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Fifty years following the assassination of John F. Kennedy, many people continue to be inspired by his presidency’s ideals and ambitions. Following his death, the vast members of the Kennedy family continue to enthrall America’s political and social culture. Numerous books, television specials and films attempt to add insight into America’s 35th president, his family and legacy the Kennedy name carries today.

But can the members of Camelot and other the Kennedy legacy figures and institutions help predict NFL games? To commemorate the life of the 35th President of the United States, the Week 12 predictions theme is John F. Kennedy, the members of the Kennedy family and the institutions that bear the Kennedy name.

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New Orleans Saints (8-2) at Atlanta Falcons (2-8)-Nov. 21-8:25 p.m.-NFL Network

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Earling Carothers “Jim” Garrison, a former District Attorney of Orleans Parish, Louisiana known for his investigations into the Kennedy assassination, died in 1992. Since his death, the Saints are 131-130 against NFC teams.

Pick: New Orleans

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Pittsburgh Steelers (4-6) at Cleveland Browns (4-6)-Nov. 24-1 p.m.-CBS

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Kevin Costner portrayed Garrison in the 1991 film JFK. Pittsburgh is 234-141-1 since the film’s release.

Pick: Pittsburgh

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Carolina Panthers (7-3) at Miami Dolphins (5-5)-Nov. 24-1 p.m.-Fox

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Oliver Stone, director of JFK, was  born in 1946. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who married Maria Shriver, JFK’s niece in 1986, was also born in 1946. Since the couple separated in 2011, the Dolphins are 18-24.

Pick: Carolina

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