A Twisted Mock: 32 Words for 32 Picks


Mock drafts are interesting pieces to read or write even though most of them seem to be rehashings. I estimate that 2006 was the last time I wrote one. I don’t care how many selections I guess correctly (I’ll be lucky to get 16 picks right considering all the trades and surprises teams pull on draft night),  but this year, I wanted to write a nuanced mock draft that celebrates one of my favorite drinks, Twisted Tea.



I’ve selected 32 words from Twisted Tea bottles caps, one for each first round selection. I wrote a sentence summarizing each pick using a bottle cap word. I mean no disrespect to mock draft writers and readers, but you can say that with this post, I am mocking the annual mock draft mania that arrives this time of year. Regardless, I hope you find the following entertaining and enjoy the 2015 NFL Draft.


  1. Buccaneers – Jameis Winston – Quarterback – Florida State


Tampa Bay will pick Winston even though he stole crab legs in a similar fashion to that of Harold Berman’s ham theft in a Hey Arnold! episode.

45.2 - Harold Carnicero.mp4_snapshot_01.08_[2012.10.03_09.36.59]


  1. Titans – Marcus Mariota – Quarterback – Oregon


Chip Kelly will cry a river of tears because he can’t draft his favorite Oregon Duckie.

Chip Kelly changing the Rubber Duckie lyrics.
Chip Kelly changing the Rubber Duckie lyrics.


  1. Jaguars – Amari Cooper – Wide Receiver – Alabama


Blake Bortles’ dream for a skilled receiver comes true.


  1. Raiders – Leonard Williams – Defensive End – Southern California


Williams can only help a defensive that recorded just 22 sacks last season.


  1. Washington – Dante Fowler, Jr. – Defensive End/Outside Linebacker – Florida


There won’t be any hesitation to pick Flower in Washington’s “war room” should he drop to this spot.

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