Why the Denver Broncos will win Super Bowl XLVIII

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Perhaps you’ve heard the Seattle Seahawks of the NFC and the Denver Broncos of the AFC will play in Super Bowl XLVIII, the National Football League’s championship game, on Sunday.

Countless analysts appeared on television this week giving their “expert” opinion as to what team they think will win. The truth is you don’t need to know anything about football to know who will win the Super Bowl.

Denver will win. Here are 10 reasons why.

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The AFC champion is 2-1 in the Super Bowl in years Leonardo DiCaprio has received an Oscar nomination.

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The AFC champion is 8-6 in the Super Bowl since SpongeBob SquarePants premiered.

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The Broncos are 15-5 against the Seahawks in years the Winter Olympics take place.

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The AFC champion is 10-9 in the Super Bowl since Fox began broadcasting NFL games.

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The AFC championship is 2-1 in the Super Bowl in years the Rose Bowl has hosted the BCS National Championship Game.

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The AFC champion is 10-8 in the Super Bowl since Bill Watterson published his final Calvin and Hobbes cartoon.

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The AFC champion is 6-4 in the Super Bowl since Michael Jordan’s third retirement from the NBA.

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The AFC champion is 5-4 in the Super Bowl since Mark Zuckerberg launched Facebook.

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Seattle has won 57 games in years an X-Men film premieres in theaters. Denver has won 62.

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Seattle has won 174 games since Israel and the Vatican established formal diplomatic relations. Denver has won 202.

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Based on these facts, the Broncos will win on Sunday. How will they win the game? What players will make the most impact? How many times will Peyton Manning shout “OMAHA” at the line of scrimmage during the game? That’s for the football “experts” to figure out.

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Bryan Paul’s Puzzling NFL Predictions: Divisional Playoffs

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Though many fans expect thrills from the National Football League postseason, last weekend’s Wild Card games weren’t exciting. The Houston Texans defeated the Cincinnati Bengals in a game neither team seemed interested in winning. The Green Bay Packers showed mercy towards the Minnesota Vikings and their backup quarterback, Joe Webb, winning by only 14 points. The Baltimore Ravens held off the Indianapolis Colts as Ray Lewis celebrated the last home game of his 17-year career by dancing, dancing and dancing some more. The Seattle Seahawks survived an early two-touchdown deficit and a poorly kept FedEx Field playing surface in their victory over the Washington Redskins. After earning a week off, the Atlanta Falcons, Denver Broncos, New England Patriots and San Francisco 49ers join last week’s winning teams in the quest to reach Super Bowl XLVII.

Once again, this post will consist of four miscellaneous facts broken up into quarters to choose a winner in each game. In the event of a 2-2 tie, a fifth “overtime” fact will determine the prediction.

You don’t need to know anything about football to enjoy this analysis. Enjoy these unique NFL divisional playoff predictions.

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Baltimore Ravens (11-6) at Denver Broncos (13-3)-Jan. 12-4:30 p.m.-CBS

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First Quarter

Baltimore played Denver in Week 15. The Ravens enjoy rematches in the postseason. Baltimore is 6-4 in playoff games against teams they faced during the regular season.

Baltimore, 1-0

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Second Quarter

The Ravens, formerly the Cleveland Browns, played their first season in Baltimore in 1996. The Chicago Bulls defeated the Seattle SuperSonics in the 1996 NBA Finals. In years the Bulls have won the NBA title, Denver is 11-1 against AFC North teams. But the 2013 NBA Finals won’t take place until June.

Baltimore, 2-0

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Third Quarter

The Bulls began play in 1966, the year the Beatles released Revolver, their seventh studio album. In years the band made a studio album, Denver was 30-78-4. Luckily for the Broncos, the Beatles last studio album came out in 1970.

Baltimore, 2-1

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Fourth Quarter

Tina Fey, a co-host of Sunday night’s Golden Globe Awards, was born in 1970. She was a Saturday Night Live cast member from 1997-2006. The Ravens won five playoff games during Fey’s Saturday Night Live career. The Broncos won eight.

Tied, 2-2

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Overtime

Fey created the sitcom 30 Rock. The show premiered on Oct. 11, 2006 and NBC will broadcast its final episode on Jan. 31. Baltimore is 30-32 on the road while the show has been on television. Denver is 31-26 at home.

Denver, 3-2

Bryan Paul’s Pick: Denver

Pollock’s Pick: Denver

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